


I've Got You

by Carriex3 (realthicbitch)



Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: F/F, Gen, HARD, Hurt/Comfort, Shippy if you Squint, all fic is canon divergent, am i supposed to tag this canon divergence?, because I ship it, i love them, okay bai, so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:28:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24442846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/realthicbitch/pseuds/Carriex3
Summary: Through the closed door, Jen could hear Judy cry. She imagined how her face must be screwed up in pain, pain that she obviously had been trying to hide from Jen, and how her tiny body must be shaking, and how she was probably curled up into a ball on the bed at this point. Jen turned on the shower to cover the sound of her own sobs.
Relationships: Judy Hale & Jen Harding, Judy Hale/Jen Harding
Comments: 11
Kudos: 67





	I've Got You

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks, Mireia, for hyping me up while I was working on this!

“Do you want to take a shower first?”

“No.” Judy stared straight ahead, expressionless, out of the window across from the bed.

“Wanna get out of those dirty clothes, or…” Jen sighed, unsure of how to take care of Judy at this moment. “...do you just want to stare out the window weirdly?”

“Yeah.” Judy’s voice was barely above a whisper.

Jen felt a pang of sadness in her chest at the sight of Judy so dispirited. It was so unlike her, so wrong, it made Jen uncomfortable. And then there was another pang, this time of guilt, for feeling uncomfortable. Of- _fucking_ -course Judy was sad. They just dug a hole and unceremoniously dumped the body of her ex-fiance into it. There was no time for the loving send off that Jen was now realizing Judy would have wanted for Steve, and she felt guilty all over again, for denying Judy of that.

Back in the diner, Jen had been rough with Judy, telling her there was no time, no need for something so arbitrary. But of course there was a need for it. There was always a reason for everything Judy did, whether or not Jen found it odd or unnecessary. Jen sighed and ran a hand through her tangled, greasy hair.

“I’m gonna go take a shower, okay, and if you need anything just come get me, alright?” Judy only nodded, and Jen reached out to tuck Judy’s hair behind her ear, before disappearing into the bathroom.

Through the closed door, Jen could hear Judy cry. She imagined how her face must be screwed up in pain, pain that she obviously had been trying to hide from Jen, and how her tiny body must be shaking, and how she was probably curled up into a ball on the bed at this point. Jen turned on the shower to cover the sound of her own sobs.  
She had done this to Judy. Some awful part of her then tried to remind her that Judy had also done this to her, but that wasn’t true. It just wasn’t. Ted’s death had been an accident but she had killed Steve out of anger and blind rage. She hadn’t even realized what she’d done until it was over, and Judy’s number was already dialed because of _course it was_ , because who else could she turn to that would help her without question?

Jen had finished washing some time ago, but she remained under the hot water, trying to let it scald away how dirty she still felt.

***

  
A while later, after Jen had dressed and dried her hair and _finally_ looked presentable again, she found Judy still tightly curled into a ball on the bed, stripes of clean skin on her cheeks where tears had washed away the dirt. Jen reached out and touched Judy’s shoulder, running her hand down the length of her arm and taking Judy’s hand in hers.

“You gotta get up, Jude, you need to at least eat something.” Judy shook her head.

“I’m not hungry.” Jen chewed her bottom lip in thought.

“Well you need to take a shower or something, because all that dirt is bad for your skin.”

“Okay,” Judy said, but she made no attempt to get up.  
Jen sighed in frustration and went back into the bathroom, stopping up the tub and filling it with hot water. Judy was gonna take this bath whether she liked it or not, because Jen couldn’t handle the uncertainty of not knowing if Judy had finally broken inside. She needed to make Judy clean, to feed her, or make her laugh, or even fucking _cry_ because this catatonia was terrifying, and she couldn’t take losing Judy too. She went back to Judy’s bedside as the tub filled.

Judy you need to sit up, okay? Please?” And Judy did, maybe because of the panicked edge to Jen’s voice that she tried to hide, or the way that Jen knelt beside her and brushed her bangs out of her eyes was a physical touch that re-rooted her to the real world, to the present, to _her_. Jen wasn’t sure what she did to make it happen, but Judy sat up and shrugged off the dusty black jacket.

“There ya go,” Jen said with a relieved smile, taking Judy’s hand and leading her into the bathroom. Judy watched her as she turned off the water and added something from a bottle with the hotel’s logo on it. Jen reached into her bag and rummaged for her hairbrush, her hair conditioner and shampoo, then pulled a clean face cloth off of the rack beside the tub. Once the tub was filled, she turned to Judy, who was beginning to undress. Jen didn’t know if she realized she was getting naked in front of her, but she decided not to comment on it. She just looked away politely until she heard Judy climb into the tub and saw her pull her knees up to her chest. Jen pulled the elastic band from Judy’s hair, letting it fall around her face, then took the shower head down to wet it.

"You don’t have to do this," Judy whispered above the sound of running water as tears once again blurred her vision.

"No, I don't," Jen agreed, reaching for her hair conditioner. “But I'm going to.” Jen left it at that as she poured some conditioner into her hands and began working the tangles out of Judy’s hair with her fingers. Once she could run her fingers through it, she reached for her hairbrush and brushed out the finer snarls.

Judy sat with her knees hugged to her chest. _I don't deserve her_ , she thought. _She doesn't deserve this._ Judy wished she had the words to ask her to please stop, because she was embarrassed. She was bathing her like a child. Jen should never have had to do this. How did this happen? Why did Jen feel like she needed to do this? Judy knew she was scaring Jen, and while Jen wasn’t as in touch with feelings and emotions and expressions of caring, she was still a fixer. A wave of guilt rolled through her. She didn’t want Jen to have to fix her anymore, but she bit her lip and let Jen continue. She had to admit, it felt nice to be touched gently by someone who obviously cared for her. Judy relaxed some, letting her fists unclench under the water. She looked at Jen, who just smiled softly back at her.

_Maybe she needs this as much as I do._

Jen tipped Judy’s head back gently to rinse the conditioner out of her hair. She hadn’t planned on literally bathing her, but one look at Judy’s face melted her and turned her to mush on the inside because Judy looked like a kicked puppy. Jen couldn’t help but think about how this was her fault, and how she would do _anything_ to let Judy know that she wasn’t alone, that she had her, and she wasn’t going to let go this time.

The only sounds in the room for a while were the soft splashes made by Judy as she relaxed more into the hot water and into Jen’s touch, slowly straightening her legs out in front of her as Jen now finished rinsing the shampoo from her hair, and took a damp cloth to Judy’s face, gently removing the dirt and sweat from the night before.

“There’s that pretty face,” Jen said quietly, meaning it, but hoping to bring Judy out of her silent reverie. She brought the cloth down over Judy’s neck, then her shoulders and back, and then her arms before stopping somewhat abruptly, unsure of what to do next. She reached Judy’s hand and squeezed it gently, smiling softly when Judy finally turned to look at her.

“Stay in here as long as you want, okay? And then when you come out we’re going to eat something, because you haven’t eaten in a day, and the last thing I ate was that shitty pie.” Jen tucked a strand of wet hair behind Judy’s ear and rose from the floor, wincing as one of her knees popped audibly, because of course she needed a reminder _now_ of how fucking old she was.

Judy reached up for Jen’s hand.

“Please don’t leave me alone,” she implored with desperate, begging eyes. “I don’t want to be alone.”

Jen nodded, perching herself on the edge of the large tub without letting go of Judy’s hand.

“You’re not alone. I’ve got you.”

***

  
Thirty minutes later found Judy wrapped in a towel, wet hair clinging to her skin, watching Jen pour a glass of wine from the bottle she’d ordered through room service. She passed it to Judy and poured another one for herself.

“Um, I, uh, have an idea,” Jen began, unable to make eye contact with Judy right away. “I just thought maybe… we could do a toast to… to Steve.” She caught Judy’s eye then.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I mean, isn't that what people do after a burial? Right? Commiserate, drink… let it all out.”

“Okay.”

“To Steve,” Jen said, throat tight, a cold rush of guilt pooling in her core. She gave Judy a tense smile.

“To Steve,” Judy toasted back, and they both took a sip of their drinks. Jen ran her finger around the edge of her wine glass, looking into the burgundy liquid like she might find the right words to say, but Judy spoke first.

“I just wanted to say goodbye to him,” she said quietly. “He always took such good care of me. I just wanted to do something for him, too.” She took another sip of her wine and squeezed her eyes shut, trying not to cry. “I know who he was. I get it. But I loved him. He was the first person who ever… really made me feel loved.” Her voice began to break as the tears finally began to fall. "He wasn’t always perfect. But he was my person.”

“I know, I know what you mean,” Jen said, moving to sit beside Judy, so close that their shoulders were touching. Her resolve broke then, and she was crying, the kind of ugly cry that she never let anyone see. But it didn’t matter anymore. Judy had seen all of her already.

“What’s wrong, are you okay?” Judy put her glass down on the bedside table and put her hand on Jen’s back, rubbing small, comforting circles.

“I’m sorry,” Jen said through her tears. “I’m so sorry. You deserve to say goodbye. I got to do it with Ted, and… Just, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.”

“Don't cry. I don't want you to feel bad,” Judy whispered, her hand stilled between Jen’s shoulders.

“Steve loved you, because you are… you are, like, the kindest person maybe in the whole fucking world.” Jen took Judy’s hand in hers and held it tightly, hoping the gesture could convey everything she was feeling at that moment. “I love you so much,” she sobbed, “I really do.” There was a relief in saying those words, and a warmth, like she’d swallowed embers that caught flame and warmed her inside.

“I love _you_ so much.” Judy pulled Jen into a hug so tight it was like they were trying to become a single being.

“Will you be my person?” Jen asked into Judy’s shoulder, somehow tightening her arms around her even more.

“Yes. I’ll be your person.”

**Author's Note:**

> Guys. I ship this so hard. Okay. I know most of you do too, and I know this isn't exactly shippy, but one day I'll get there, probably, maybe. Anyway.  
> I had this bath scene written out for a completely different pairing from a different show, in the middle of a fic that I'm sort of working on. But once I saw this episode, I was like, "I need that to be them, now." So let me know what you think, if you want. :)


End file.
